Thoughts on Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone ~

We are snowed in, here in South Dakota. We have snow!!! for a change. It's beautiful outside as long as I am inside, and it's perfect timing, cuz we get to spend the day together holed up in the house.

Yesterday, we went to the noon service and as staff and spouses we went to a buffet afterwards together to eat and hang out together; we are so blessed because we all get along so well. Then came home yesterday to do some cooking and headed back with the family in tow for the 5:30 service. I always like to fill the pew with familly; it is such a wonderful feeling to be together in the same pew. Seven of us together, two missing, but what a great feeling for me. Some of the family tolerates church and worship, but they do come out of respect.

Christmas isn't the same anymore. Most of December I felt lost and depressed and grey like, and I don't know what all, but certainly not joyful and happy. And then Monday, it was like, okay, Christmas will be here and decided to forego the Christmas tree (it has been knocked down the basement stairs a couple of times now), put up the stockings over the fireplace, strung one set of lights up in the family room, and brought out the Christmas dishes and that was that. Son had a small table top tree that he brought down from his bedroom, and we opened gifts. The kids have rather decided I guess not to exchange gifts any more, although one did bring gifts for all of us, and we as parents gave a gift and Santa money to each. I just don't get that Christmas is very appreciated any more. It seemed that we had to eat quickly so that so that we could open gifts right afterwards. While much of Christmas gift opening is for children and the excitement that comes through them, I find myself not enjoying the time together.

There was a great spirited discussion around the table this morning over global warming, health care, economics, you name it. I rather hung back to hear the various sides. It was great. Kinda reminded me of days with mom and dad and us around the table, not that we probably ever talked such topics but the noise of the conversation.

Times have changed and I have changed. I enjoy worship, family, friends. Christmas does not seem to have that glow anymore. My focus has changed. Perhaps that comes with middle age; the reprioritizing of life. I miss the days of innocence, but I'm not my mother. I'm not the homemaker type. I do enjoy the festivities; I do like people around; I do enjoy sitting in the background listening and being a part that way. I can't go back, and I'm not ready to accept where my feelings are headed now, but I'm going to have to pretty soon. Going to have buckle up and straighten up and say this is the way things are and make the most of just that.

Christmas is a wonderful time of year; it can be. The human expectation that comes from media and all my wanting (you know, the Waltons or Any Griffith situations) may not ever come about. But I do rejoice in the Christmas season, in the gift that God has given us, in the assurance of my adoption into God's family and my salvation.