A passing of another chapter of my life

We have just begun the transfer of our company's assets to another and spent the last five days travelling from SD to SC hauling 2500 pounds of weight. It was April 1, 1990 when my first husband and I bought this company and I've been running it since his death on July 17, 1992. Such mixed feelings and thoughts as this transfer is made. The company took on a life of its own and saved in a sense my life.



All the men in my family were concerned for me; a 35 year old husband who had died unexpectedly and tragically, three small children, one diagnosed with leukemia. They wanted a secure future for me, a way to earn a living without being tied to set hours in a job, and an outlet in whatever way was needed. I thank God now for their wisdom, for their support and encouragement. I did not know a thing about this type of business but they stayed days and weeks to sort through what needed to be done. My brother in law, in purchasing, called customers about open purchase orders, reviewed pricing and inventory and customer base. My brother looked to the orderly transition from my husband to myself, to the vision and planning for the future, for the strategies needed to accomplish that. My older sister and her daughter stayed weeks with me, watching the three children as I went about my learning. My dad and my father in law spent hours working in the shop, supporting and encouraging everyone. My mother and younger sister were there as I cried, as my nightmares came on me, helped to keep my frustration and despair at a manageable level. To my very best friends, Rob and Lorelle, who stood beside me, helping in all ways possible. I did not know it then, but I know it now, they were the face and hands and feet of Christ, each and everyone of them. Through the tragedy that could have overtaken me, they gave me strength and courage to do what I didn't think I could do.



And I most certainly would be remiss to acknowledge the manufacturers who supported and encouraged. The company that H had worked for supported me and taught me a lot about technical stuff. Rakes and angles and bevels, speeds and feeds, material composition. Throughout the years they continually supported by giving the best pricing, regardless of the size of the company. The friendships that began when H worked there continued with me after his death.



The Haas family (to whom the company is being transferred) are a special family. I don't know how well he knew my husband, certainly they had had contact being in the same industry, and yet he and his employee came to the shop, furthered my education, gave me one on one teaching, and supported and encouraged me in this endeavor. Never did I feel that I could not trust them, that information I would give about customers would be used to further their own customer base, nor that I was not a part of their family. I have always felt a part of their family. I thank God for Don and his family, for Armond, for the integrity and honesty which they have in business. It's uncommon to find such integrity and honesty in an industry which is very narrow and very competitive. And his sons who follow in their father's footsteps are of the same caliber. They are easy going, knowledgeable, fair, honest, generous, and a lot of fun to be around. Again, I did not know it then, I know it now, they were the face and hands and feet of Christ.



I travelled to SC with a bit of sadness as the end of a chapter was coming in my life. The dreams that H had, that this company would allow him to be close to his family and to provide financially for all of us had been shattered. Instead, it had brought about his death and left me in deep despair, quaking inside even as I put on the mask of courage and strength, in a situation I never envisioned. I have continued to run it for over 16 years. Through this experience, I have learned a lot, but I have also lost a lot. I learned not only the stuff about business and shops, but about myself, about the ability to persevere, about the strength of my faith, about the depths of hell and heaven, about forgiveness lived, about the inner self. But I have also lost a lot, friendships that meant so much, about dreams and wants, about an entire life that will never be, about mistakes made and decisions wrongly made.



The day we put one piece of equipment in the hands of the Haas family, this Friday, was the 27th anniversary to the date of my marriage to H, 10/24. How ironic.



I travelled back to SD with a bit of relief, that this phase of my life is at the beginning of its end. There is relief because God is calling me to do other things, and there just isn't the kind of time to devote to a small business, to give the best to customers, and to do justice to all those who have encouraged and supported me over the years.



There will be times, I know, down the road that I think back with longing for the days that have gone by. I already do that. I do that, in fact, all the time when it comes to remembering the days when the kids were small, to the cherished friendships, to those years that are remembered now only by me. There are so few people alive who I was close to who knew who and what I was years ago. There's a grief in that, a sadness that that part of my life is gone. And when I get into those memory modes I forget to look forward to the future.



I have lived half of my life already. I have done so much but I have so much yet to do. I had goals and plans for my life, some of which were realized, many of which were cut off by tragedy. I have trouble sometimes getting ahold of my life as it is and getting into the vision of the future. I pray that God will calm my spirit, walk with me in such a way that I am not anxious, and bless all that is yet to come.